my mind is full of ****

'Cause I'm in too deep, and I'm trying to keep Up above in my head, instead of going under..

i think i've reached a stage where controlling myself is not an option anymore.
i'm getting really affected by it. the emotions are getting to me.

it sucks so bad, starting and stalling.  
and things are getting harder and harder to read.
drifting further and further away from me. 

what is going on...?